If you know someone who has just broken up with their partner, a card or telephone call can be a comforting way to offer your support and let them know that you are there for them. We have compiled some of the best things you can say at these difficult times;

• Congratulations!
• They were terrible in bed anyway
• Lets face it, he/she could do much better than you, so you must have seen it coming
• Perhaps you should try dating someone your own age next time?
• Now that you've broken up can I have your permission to ask you ex out now?
• Perhaps if you tried losing some weight?
• Plastic surgery is much more affordable these days
• I'll send his/her photo to a S&M dating club for you

Chat-up Lines

Once they have got over the initial break-up, it's important to get back into the dating scene. We're provided some world class chat up lines below, which are guaranteed to get you a date(maybe!?);

• Do you believe in love at first sight, or should I walk by again?
• That outfit would look great in a heap on my bedroom floor tomorrow morning
• The colour of your hair and my pillow are perfectly co-ordinated
• I've come back from the future to tell you that in 50 years time I'm still in love with you.
• Hi, I conducting a feel test to find how many women have pierced nipples
• There must be something wrong with my eyes - I can't take them off you
• Let's go back to my place and get something straight between us
• Your teeth are like stars - they come out at night
• I'm an organ donor and I have an organ you may need?
• If I was the last man left on earth and was wanted by all the women to repopulate the planet, I'd still choose you.
• If I said you had a beautiful body, would you hold it against me?
• Let's do breakfast tomorrow morning. Shall I call you or give you a nudge?
• I've lost my phone number. Can I have yours?
• Why don't you sit on my lap, and we'll talk about the first thing that pops up
• Did it hurt - when you fell from heaven?
• Get your coat - you've pulled.
• I'm no Fred Flintstone, but I can make your Bedrock
• Size isn't everything, and I can prove it to you.
• I'm new in town. Can you give me directions to your house?
• Wow! Are those real?
• Hi! My friends call me Creepy.
• Do you want to see my collection of Jack the Ripper memorabilia?
• That's a revealing top. Are you cold?
• Can I see you tan lines?
• I've just inherited £10million, which was quite a shock what with my weak heart.
• Can I tickle your belly button from the inside?
• I may not be the best looking person in here, but beauty is only a light switch away.
• Do you sleep on your stomach? Can I?
• Do you want to see something really swell?
• If I could change the alphabet, I'd put U and I together
• It's late - you'll do

Obviously going to singles bars and speed-dating can lead to some unwanted attention. It is important not to feel sorry for these people and just reject them immediately, so you can try to find someone that you really like. We have provided some put downs that may help get rid of unwanted admirers;

Where have you been all my life? - Well for most of it I wasn't born

Is this seat empty? - Yes, and if you sit down this one will be too.

Do you want to go back to my place? - I don't know. Will two people fit under a stone?

When can I take you out? - How about never. Is never good for you?

If I could see you naked, I'd die happy. - If I could see you naked, I'd die laughing

You know you really know how to turn peoples heads - Yes and you really know how to turn peoples stomachs

Haven't we met before? - Yes I'm a receptionist at a VD clinic.

Your place or mine? - Both. You go to your place and I'll go to mine.

We could make sweet music together. - I'm looking for a guy with a grand piano, not a penny whistle.

What do you do for a living? - I'm a male/female impersonator

Haven't we met someplace before? - Yes that's why I don't go there anymore

Dating

Once you start dating always remember there are certain things that you should not say or do on a date;

• Don't 'foget' your wallet.
• Remember to talk to the face and not the breasts/crotch.
• Don't talk on your mobile phone/get drunk/argue with the waiter/fall asleep.
• "Yes it is a nice restuarant. I glad we came here tonight before my voucher ran out."
• "That is a revealing top. Are those real?"
• "How many children do you think we should have?"
• "I probably shouldn't drink too much, as it doesn't mix well with my medication."
• "Yes I used to come here a lot with my ex-wife before she cheated on me with the waiter. Where is he?"
• "So you had the chicken and a glass of wine, plus coffee and don't forgot half the tip. I make that..."
• "So how much do you earn?"
• "I can't stay out too late, the football highlights are on at 10pm"
• "Does your family have any hereditary defects?"

If after dating for a while you decide that a person is not right for you always keep some execuses on stand-by so you can get out of a date/relationship before things get too serious.

Sorry I can't come out tonight...

• I need to worm the dog.
• The Pope might pop by.
• I never go out on days that end with a Y
• I need to grout my tiles
• I'm seeing my other boy/girl friend
• I have to check the use-by dates of my tins.
• I prefer to remain an enigma
• There's football on the TV.

Membership

The work that Help the Horny carries out relies on support from people just like you. To help our cause please visit our T-shirt shop or consider becoming a member of our organisation. For just £9.99 you will receive our fantastic membership pack which includes a folder, pen, dating book, fridge magnet, membership card, certificate, stickers, cards and useful terms sheet. You can buy this pack for yourself or it also provides an excellent gift idea for a single friend. CLICK HERE to buy (UK only).

Help the Horny Membership is the perfect gift for:

• Single friends
• Partners with insatiable sexual appetites
• Lecherous friends or work colleagues
• Studs and bitches
• Divorcees and spinsters
• ...basically anyone who isn't getting enough!

You can purchase the membership gift pack through our partners at the Naffgiftshop.co.uk.

T-Shirts In addition to our membership packs, we also supply a range of Help the Horny Logo and Slogan T-Shirts. These help to raise the awareness of our cause while additionally helping to fund our work. Please CLICK HERE to visit our T-Shirt Shop. Our T-shirts designs are great for yourself and also make great gifts for single friends. They are also perfect for Hen or Stag parties - these are parties to celebrate the forthcoming marriage of our friends, followed by the inevitable forty years of bad sex and bickering. What better way to get noticed that by wearing a Help the Horny T-Shirt? How your purchase helps Please give what you can to help us continue our vital work; £5 can help keep a victim supplied with tissues for a month £15 can provide an adult DVD and magazine £25 will buy a basic blow-up love doll £50 can provide some quality time with a hooker

Site Research Surveys On the right you will find a research surveys that we are currently carrying out. The results from this will help to provide valuable assistance and insight for our members as they try to cope with their condition. If you are able to spare a couple of minutes to complete this surveys we would be very grateful of your assistance. You will not be asked for your name and all answers will be treated in the strictest confidence. If you would like to see how a survey is progressing simply click the 'Show Results' link and this will give you a summary of the entries to date.